Remembering to Look Up

It was becoming a normal routine… me in my cut off green sweat pants and oversize sleeping shirt gingerly making my way up the stairs from my living corridor with a flashlight in one hand and the curled up form of Sarah in the other. I inched myself down the dark pathway to my destination as the sounds of my team members reminded me that they lay peacefully in oblivious to our situation. The only light that lit the pure darkness was my sad excuse of a flashlight and the dull green light of my watch reminding me that it was 2:30 in the morning again and this was happening once more. I finally found the door in which I needed, knocked a couple times and waited for the groggy hello and questions of what’s going on.

I presented Sarah and explained that after the normal feeding at 2 this morning she wouldn’t stop crying, then she did suddenly and it was due to her amazing ability to just stop breathing. She instantly came back to me but not without concern on my part, she was wheezing and miserable and I needed someone to figure out what normality looked on her part. I needed to know if it was normal for her to become listless and then agitated. I needed to make sure that everything that could be done was. It was allowed for all my questions to be asked and frustrations be talked through. Sarah’s tube was resituated, lungs checked, along with blood oxygen level. The bottom line was that I had a sick baby and the scary unhealthy ways, were in a way a normal ordeal, it was all a waiting game.

So, here I am with this 6 pound sick baby in one hand and an extremely heavy heart. I am walking up the path way toward my room and just frustrated. Frustrated for her pain, frustrated for my inability to do much more then hold her and a little frustrated toward God in wondering where He is in all of this. So as I am walking toward my room surrounded by my frustration and I happen to glance up. This small moment of my head toward the sky takes my breath away. In the darkness that is Haiti, the sky above me it lit up by thousands of stars. Never in all the trips of holding my sick little girl and in all my frustrations have had had I noticed this beautiful presentation of God’s beauty through the night sky. I realized then that my the problem was not God in His absence cause He is here, it is in me not simply looking up and seeing Him.

It hits me that in life’s frustration and such we often forget to simply look up. Look up past our own frustrations, look up past the here and now, just look up and see our God who is so passionate about us. So passionate that He does the little things for us, in my case give me a magnificent night sky that just reminds me of just how BIG my God is. All we need to do is simply look up.