Simply Learning

I simply learned how to say hello to Jilmar (very soon to be nicknamed Jude) March 22nd 2008. I learned how to love him for all 8 pounds that he was at a month and a half old. For the two and a half weeks I was there in the Spring I learned very quickly that he was going to be my kid. He had Down syndrome and a list of other ailments but in it all we simply learned to live. In the months that followed I learned how to brag about my baby boy back in the states and wait patiently when he would only live a building away from me not a “how is he?” through email. July 19th hit and he was back in my arms now at six months old. We learned how to simply be in each others presence while I did homework and he played on the play mat. I simply learned to love even more my baby boy.

Today I had to simply learn how to say goodbye to my Jude. I learned that in that moment of being told that I couldn’t go pick him up anymore when I just wanted to relax, that I couldn’t watch him roll over or smile, my words fell short but the pain didn’t. Today was a blur, somewhere between me just crying and if any of you know me, deep cleaning something I got to go and say goodbye one more time to my baby boy. I got to simply hold him and quietly hum “Hey Jude” as they did the funeral preparation around us. I simply to learned to love no matter what the outcome may look like, even if there is pain involved. I simply learned. .