To My Litttle Girl

Hey Pretty Girl,

I had to say good bye to you today, well just until Heaven and I believe there will be a hammock ready for us to rock out together. When I realized that you might have left me my heart started to break. Now, as your protector here on earth I did everything in my ability to try to save you. I rushed you straight back to Mission and into the arms of people I thought could bring you back to me. I knew though, even before they placed you back into my arms and shook there heads that you were in Heaven with my Jesus.

Now, my beautiful one I have to tell you at first I was angry about the whole thing. I was not even close to letting you go. What I am I going to do with myself if I am not up every three hours getting your bottle ready, or holding you when you cry and as always being able to kiss the top of your forehead while you drift to sleep. I just wasn’t ready and I really thought you were not either.

So, this led to guilt. I found myself struggling over my choices for the day that led up to you leaving me. I wondered if I stayed in from the storm, if I wasn’t so determine to get that document from the doctor if you would still be in my arms snoring away happily. I broke over the idea of maybe holding you to tight or missing the warning signs of you not doing well. I mean I just look down and your gone, you slipped away simply being pressed up against me.

I realize now, that you my beautiful little girl, you wouldn’t have had it any other way, you have been my kid almost from day one and you knew it. You knew that when I looked at you, I saw MY SARAH, the absolutely beautiful little girl who allowed me to be her mommy. My precious little Sarah Rou you did what you do best and that was allowing me to hold you until Jesus stepped in, I know you two are rocking out right now in that hammock until I get there.

I know you know this but for my sake I need to tell you just one more time just how much I love you! I love the fact that you showed me unconditioned love in receiving it but also showing it to others. You my little one have showed me what I am made of in Christ by having me pick you up July 25th and not putting you down until now. In all of this I understand a little now Sarah of what swells up in our Jesus’ heart when He looks upon us, He see us and we are perfect, were His and He can’t get enough of us. Every time I looked at you this last month my heart swelled with love, in you came joy in my life of living each day to the fullest despite circumstance, and pride of having you in this chapter of my life. Thank you my little Sarah Rou for being the greatest example of how Jesus loves and how we should react to it.

I need to promise you right here and now that I won’t let the pain of losing you smother out the great impact that is your life here of earth. I promise that through these tears I will continue to tell your amazing story of arriving on this earth in the face of deformity and through that becoming one of the greatest examples of love, hope and joy NO MATTER WHAT!

I have loved every moment of being your mommy and would do it again baby girl even if this day was ultimately the outcome. You will forever be my Sarah Rou, now go rock out in the arms of Jesus in that hammock and know I will be okay, I promise. I will continue dancing out my HAPPY DANCE through Christ on this earth, even more now with the rhythm you added to it. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!

In Him,
Your Momma!